please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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