Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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