ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
