Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
