I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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