he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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