This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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