Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
this hospital has no fireball
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
