Swine flu. Run for my life!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
