I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
