legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
