That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
