weddingsv make me drug and hornr
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
