I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
