Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
