i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bring me that man meat
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
