Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
