How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
