mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
