he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please don't give away my fajitas
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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