well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
