the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
