if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
love makes seman taste better
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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