This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
