I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
