either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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