I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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