Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
