Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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