what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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