im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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