morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
