Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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