We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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