Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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