Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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