haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
