Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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