I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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