Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
