There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
