Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
