I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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