toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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