I will die if light touches me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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