I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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