mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize