just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
