You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
