I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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