Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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