but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
