ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
