What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
