Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
