But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
