I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
