Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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