The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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