I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
