great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
