i was born a porn star she said
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
