Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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