I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
