So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
