do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
