take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
