He disabled his match.com account in front of me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
