either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
