I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
