I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
