They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
