We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
