This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
