hotel room ftw
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
