I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
