I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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