i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
