I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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