her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
