If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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