i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
