yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
