I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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