Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
