dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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