Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
