I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
