i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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