I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
